Revisions

Original Poems:

Test

My eyes focus on the paper
the paper full of questions
questions without answers
answers I have to find
finding time to study
studying will help me succeed
succeed is what I want to do.

Classroom

Silence
stressed students
a big test
hits every person's desk.
A long list of questions
seeing what you know
what you studied
if you
tried.

 Revision Advice:  Mike - I like the form you chose in "Test" - using the last word in one line as the first word in the next line.  It's a good exercise in staying focused line by line.  That paired with the second poem, "Classroom," helps the reader to know more about you because both poems are related - I call them companion poems - and work well together.

I can't help feel there's more you want to say on this subject, and suggest a 5-10 free write just to see what other images pop up for you.

Mimi Moriarty

Revised Poems: 

Test

 My eyes focus on the paper

the paper full of questions

questions without answers

answers I should know

know that i can pass the test

test myself on what I studied

studied all that I could the night before

before now, I felt confidence

confidence is slowly leaving 

leaving the room after the test

the test that I worked hard on.

Classroom

Silence

working students

 an important test

scary to so many

like a monster to children

everyone's grade lingering on one assignment

an irrational fear of what might happen

an indicator of things to come

if the students work hard

they can all succeed 

if they don't

they can

not.

Reflection: I can clearly see that the new, revised poems are better. Mimi Moriarty gave me some great advice, which was to free write, and say more of what I thought in my poems. This helped me develop a clearer message in both poems, and use more poetic devices, like figurative language. I can use this for future poems also, by remembering to say more of what I think, and give the reader a better message.